"Life, too, is like that. You live it forward, but understand it backward"

I have never been scared of being old.

Well, maybe a few times but in general, 

I've always been the kind of kid who wanted to pretend to be older.

Yours Truly and Her

What you want me to say...

I thought being older was cooler than being young.

Clearly, it was all based on the underlying assumption

that being young = immature = wrong 

and therefore, 

being old = mature = good.

F***ed up, I know but c'on, 

we are all f***ed up in our own ways, 

so leave your judgments aside.

So, life has been determined to show me that my assumption

was indeed, f***ed up.

You can read past entries to see what I mean,

so will just say

that life is a huge collage.

"A wise realization" my mom and dad would say.

"Yeah, whatever" I would respond.

I have been having backwards moments

like never before.

This is how it goes:

I enter my own mental space

I sit down and begin to see my life projected 

in the screen of my own mind.

I go back to my early years when I used to spend my summers 

with my two favorite people at the time, my grandparents.

And then very consciously, 

I see the passing of time

and for a few seconds

I can subtly get a grasp of the impermanence 

and connectedness in life.

Pretty amazing the routes that life takes you.

Pretty scary the decisions that we ought to make.

So much fun all the adventures, trips and laughter that we experience.

So fucked up all the tears, heartbreaks, and pain.

So amazing the countries, cities and places that we visit.

So sad all the people that come and go.

So delicious all the flavors that we taste.

So lucky to experience it all.

Intense.

I know.

But by now you should know me

and none of this should catch you by surprise.

Anyhoo, a random entry without "pies y cabeza"

for a humid and raining

Saturday evening in May.

Hasta la proxima, 

Sil

P.S. The quote from the title is from Abraham Verghese, Cutting for Stone.